The Devil's Duet Chapter 11: Requiem/Faded Lights

The final act is here. And the devil is still waiting in the wings.

The Aerie, Malibu, CA, 2023

The sanctum this morning was still as if the air were waiting for me and my voice to part it. I had retreated here to record an old song I had dusted off called “Faded Lights.”

Raven St. Clair - Faded Lights

I originally wrote the song back in the early 90s in between two of my failed rehab attempts and during my first ill-fated attempt at going as Maeve says, “Vegetarian.” My goal was to use this song to sort of face the world hat in hand and publicly acknowledge that I was as a faded shell of my former self.

I had even envisioned the song to cap off a comeback album of sorts and I had a hot shit producer on board to produce the single. That is until I discovered that the hot shit producer was best buddies with one Lucian Thorne and then suddenly, my producer disappeared and my comeback album right along with him. It wasn’t long before I was back in another rehab stint.

But now, things had changed, my world had changed and righted itself in a way. All this time studying with Maeve and Seraphina — I felt a new control over myself, my abilities and my life. I decided it was time for Raven St. Clair to return to the stage.

I situated myself in the sanctum and began singing,

The lines on my hands, they show the way,

A tale of shadows and brighter days.

The echoes call, but they don’t define,

I’m still here, chasing time.

The stars don’t shine the way they did,

But maybe that’s my guide.

Through the cracks, I hear the sound,

Of who I’ve left behind.

Oh, the faded lights don’t blind me now,

What I’ve lost, I’ll live without.

In the quiet, I hear the sound,

Of who I am, and what I’ve found.

As I sang, every word, every verse was a reminder of the many steps I had taken to get to this point where I was right now. Some of those steps were hard learned lessons and some of those steps left scars on me but the scars and the lessons were worth it. I was finally for the first time since those early days with Jefferson becoming a Raven I could be proud of, a Raven I could live with and even a Raven I could live for as opposed to living in the shadow of.

I held the fire, it burned so bright,

Traded gold for endless night.

But through the ashes, I feel the ground,

A steady place, a quiet sound.

The waves don’t crash the way they did,

But maybe that’s the truth.

A softer tide, a calmer song,

I’ve been lost for far too long.

There’s beauty in the broken,

Beauty in the tears and in the words left unspoken

Every memory now reopened

A song in every fall.

Oh, the faded lights don’t blind me now,

What I’ve lost, I’ll live without.

In the quiet, I hear the sound,

Of who I am, and what I’ve found.

And the faded lights, they guide me home,

In their shadows, I’m not alone.

As I sang the last lyrics, I looked up from my microphone, the sanctum eerily quiet, the only sound to be heard was the steady smattering of proud applause from Seraphina and Maeve looking on at me with proud smiles crossing their faces followed by their tender embraces.

“Love you,” Seraphina said hugging me tightly.

“Me more,” Maeve added.

And it hit me right then that this journey I’m on right now with my coven was foreseen in the lyrics I wrote — even when I wrote these at my lowest, I was somehow predicting and envisioning a future that was just now coming true,

Oh, the faded lights don’t blind me now,

What I’ve lost, I’ll live without.

In the quiet, I hear the sound,

Of who I am, and what I’ve found.

And the faded lights, they guide me home,

In their shadows, I’m not alone.

Sunset Sound, West Hollywood, CA, 2023

I sat in the all too familiar lounge at Sunset Sound nervously fidgeting with the bangle on my wrist, I could almost hear the sounds of Born from Night and Siren echoing from the walls. The place smelled of history, of faded glory and yet today here I was once again imbued with a sense that maybe this place would be a place of renewal and rebirth. As the nerves gnawed at me, I tried to steady them with a calming spell I learned from Maeve and Seraphina to no avail. Today I was to meet Tiffany Stone, a bright young pop star/actress who had been cast in “El Dorado,” a big budget movie musical that also was a sort of winking fictionalized version of my life, minus any supernatural elements, naturally.

The story centered on a young girl who lived in a faded Hollywood Hotel with dreams of becoming a famous singer. The way it was pitched to me was a sort of “Eloise” meets “A Star is Born,” and because of my connection to the El Dorado, the filmmakers thought I would be the perfect person to not just mentor Tiffany in her preparation for the role but also the gracious offer to pen a big, flashy ballad, “We Came Here to Forget,” that would be the centerpiece of the film.

Today would be my first day meeting Tiffany and producer Toby Voss who would share with Tiffany a demo version of “We Came here to Forget” with my vocals.

Raven St. Clair - We Came Here to Forget (Demo)

Tiffany’s arrival at Sunset Sound was felt, as opposed to heard as even from inside the insulated studio, I could feel the energy subtly shift. The front door of the studio opened throwing in a shaft of sunlight and the sound of catcalling voices and shuttering cameras from the paparazzi aggressively trailing Tiffany like a swarm of hungry cicadas clicking and flashing at her every move.

Tiffany pulled at a hood she had flipped over her head as her hair cascaded across her shoulders, the aureate honeyed blonde of her hair shimmering under the lights of the studio. But beyond the gorgeous head of hair, I was transfixed by the glowing, shimmering aura emanating from her, a sight I had not seen on another human in decades. I discovered that ever since going cold turkey, the sight of auras around the talented faded almost as quickly as the elasticity of my skin but seeing Tiffany, the ability came roaring back and with it, the hunger, I could see, smell and practically touch her talent, coursing beneath the skin, that I could so easily puncture and drink from. Forget taking back my soul, I could take just one more taste and I could live forever, long enough to outlast Lucian, surely and maybe even long enough to outlast or outrun the shame of succumbing to my basest desires.

Tiffany was so tantalizingly close, her shimmering aura pregnant with the reckless promise of eternal youth. It all seemed so easy, her skin was nothing more than a perfunctory barrier holding her talent coursing beneath the surface. It was so easily pierced to become a fount from which I could drink, to drink away the hurt, the shame and drink unto eternal life.

Even without him near, it was like I could hear Lucian whispering in my ear to destroy her, to suck out her talent by force, and then to destroy Seraphina and Maeve and to “reclaim my one true destiny.” But even with his voice seemingly in my ear, I had become so trained and so disciplined with Maeve and Seraphina I could, no I would fight the urge. And, for once, I would use my new skills to actually help, when I wrote “We Came here to Forget,” I actually enacted a Hook of Enchantment spell Seraphina taught me that made songs instantly catchy and memorable.

So instead of focusing on my urges, I decided to put as much effort into working with Tiffany as my urges put into swaying me to evil. If anything, Tiffany would be good for me, my greatest temptation would become my greatest chance for salvation.

“Raven,” Tiffany said with a mix of reverence and awe as she leaned in to greet me. “It’s so lovely to meet you,” she said with the sort of polished charm one would have if she were being introduced to a rusty relic in a museum.

I smiled and gripped her hand tightly as I leaned in to peck her delicately on the cheek. As our skin touched, I felt a bolt of electricity and the way that Tiffany recoiled slightly made me wonder if she did too?

No, I thought.

It wasn’t possible, there was no way.

“I can’t wait to see what you’ve got,” Tiffany said. I pushed the mic button cueing up Toby in the booth, “Toby, can we get playback?” I asked politely as Toby gave me a thumbs up.

In the corner, she’s nursing her pride,

He’s got a story, but keeps it inside.

The band’s out of tune, but we don’t care,

We just need the noise to fill the air.

The world outside, it moves too fast,

But in here, time forgets the past.

We hold our pain in every glass,

Hoping the night will somehow last.

We came here to forget, to drown it all away,

In the smoke and the whiskey, we fade with the day.

The El Dorado's where the lost souls go,

We came here to forget, but we don’t let it show.

As the song’s mournful piano trailed off, I said happily to Tiffany, “That’s 'We Came here to Forget,' what do you think?” Eagerly looking to see what her reaction would be. I realized I was desperately looking for approval.

“I Love it,” Tiffany said a with a giddy squeal more appropriate for a sweet sixteen party than a seasoned pop star hearing a demo. But at the very least, I was happy to hear she was happy.

A few weeks later as we actually moved on to recording “We Came here to Forget,” as well as a few other songs I co-wrote for the film, such as “Requiem(Where Stars Fall).”

Raven St. Clair - Requiem (Where Stars Fall)

The words to Requiem were written right from my heart, perfectly designed for the film but also a subtle warning and a threat to Lucian— there would be no more encores this time and I let him know it in no uncertain terms,

No more encores, no more curtain calls,

The lights have dimmed in these hollowed halls.

Dreams once danced where shadows creep,

But stardust fades, and silence keeps.

In the echoes, a whispered refrain,

The velvet frayed, the gilded dim,

The symphony fades, a hollow hymn.

Where once we sang, the silence stays,

A requiem of yesterday’s blaze.

What becomes of a dream deferred?

A song unsung, a voice unheard.

Do the stars we chased still shine above,

Or fall apart when stripped of love?

Tiffany showed up to Sunset Sound to record both “We Came here to Forget” and “Requiem” nervous and shaky. It was a look I knew all too well. In my former life, I would have resorted to a line, a vodka and maybe a drink of some beautiful young thing to calm my nerves. And yet sometimes even when racked with the most debilitating anxiety, I was able to create some of my greatest work.

It hit me in this moment that all those times taking all those lives, my victims may have been racked with nerves of their own and I stole their ability to feel any of it, to create any wild greatness of their own. And as I sat here preparing to record “We Came here to Forget,” I wondered where I might be able to go to forget, what I was, what I had done, secrets no one could or would ever be able to understand.

As Tiffany began singing, she asked for the lights in the studio to dim some and as they did, cloaking the room in silky darkness, even through the dark, Tiffany’s aura came shining though like turning on a lightbulb. And when it did, the hunger came surging, but the more I fought it, the more I could feel it eating me up, like a fire consuming me from the inside.

I found myself recanting my calming spell as much as I could and then like a voice screaming, I could hear him — like a singular voice standing out from a crowd, I could hear Lucian calling out to me as if he were at arms length, “Raven,” he called, his voice a deep rumble in my mind, “Come to me songbird,” he said as a chill racked my spine and his grip seized my body like a small rodent in the tightening coil of a snake.

“Why have you become so small?” He asked me teasingly, “Destroy this pitiful thing,” he commanded as my eyes flicked to Tiffany, “Destroy her and live forever,” Lucian tempted, “And once you have drunk from her, I will give you what you’ve always wanted,” he said tantalizingly and then suddenly I was overtaken by the distinct scent of sandalwood and leather, the cologne Jefferson used to wear, a scent that was practically imprinted on my hair and skin during our years together. The very whiff of it transported me to the “Siren” tour and to our house on Beverly Ranch Road, it even reminded me of the fight at the house on the beach as I smelled his cologne fading into the fog that enveloped the house.

“But how?” I asked quietly not expecting an answer.

“Jefferson serves me now,” Lucian told me in a tone that sounded less like a confession and more like a promise.

“I could make it so you two could live forever, in peace, in love and more famous than you could ever imagine,” Lucian said trying to drag me deeper.

I felt the burning fire between my legs, similar to the one I felt when Lucian laid his hand upon me at our first meeting. It felt forbidden, foreboding and ferocious, like a flame that would consume me if I let my mind wander from the calming spell I was using every last bit of energy to focus on for fear of falling prey to Lucian.

“Live forever as what?” I spat angrily at Lucian. “I’m not yours any longer,” I told him angrily in my mind.

Suddenly I felt his vice grip around me lessen as the fire within me abated and I returned to the studio as the lights came up.

Tiffany came up to me happily smiling as I attempted to quickly wipe the look of concern off my face.

“How was that?” Tiffany asked cheerily clearly seeking my approval. I smiled my biggest and brightest smile pushing away the dread that welled inside of me.

“Wonderful, my dear,” I said with an almost grandmother-like twinge.

“Thank you,” Tiffany said wrapping her arms around me as she pulled me in for a big hug. As I neared her skin, I felt a twitch I easily pushed away. I would not succumb to Lucian’s temptation and if anything, I was as determined now more than ever to destroy Lucian once and for all.

The devil was about to get his due.